Phrizzing up the Ph-bomb, dummying down the gym

The charge:

Past players and parents have left the program with such a sour taste in their mouths that they have no interest in attending games anymore or if they do attend, their stomach starts to turn when they walk into the gym.

This is a medical problem. It has to do to a lot of sour mouths attached to one churning stomach. There might be a surgical procedure to correct this. Someone really ought to check.

And it might be a matter of bad dietary habits. And if the symptoms strike only when those many mouths attached to one stomach enter the gym, someone should see if the problem emanates from the boys' locker room because some of those nasty boys have not taken their jock straps home to be washed all year.

This was not a description of medical symptoms, however. It is the lead charge in a petition to the Aberdeen School Board to do something about the girls' basketball coach. Presumably, get her fired The Aberdeen American News made it the front page, banner headline story.

Another charge is:

F-bombs fly all the time.

The Airbus company would like to know how to get something to fly all the time, because they and Air France had a bit of a problem with a flight leaving from Brazil that took a break from flying.

I could never be a school board member. I could never sit with a straight face and a posture of concern when presented with a petition like this. The board would be presented with a petition the next week to remove a snickering, smirking, smart-assed member. Maybe that is why the Aberdeen School Board moved to review the matter in closed session under the guise that it is a personnel matter. They need a quiet place to go out of public view so they can snicker a lot.

Oh, and another charge was that after the group of parents made earlier attempts at pushing this issue:

Coaches were mocking what parents' concerns were.

Oh, ding ding. Now the whole phucking adult, literate world is mocking them.

There is good grammatical and stylistic reasons, by the way, to use the word phuck It has certain qualities that arrest the attention for many people. It is like giving a child who is trying to ignore a remonstrating parent a sharp smack on the bottom to get the attention so that they might hear what is being said. For those already paying attention, a well-placed phuck can enhance the rhythm and the emphasis of what is being conveyed. For example, it would be ineffective if the mayor of Hiroshima simply said, "What was that?" It is far more effective that he said, "What the PHUCK was that?" And that Michelangelo said, "You want WHAT painted on the PHUCKING ceiling?"

What appears to the be the case with the Aberdeen Central girls' basketball coach, who has set a record for wins and tournament play, is that when players do not perform well or otherwise phuck up, she tells them. Among some quarters, one never discourages a child by telling them that they could put in more effort and do things a bit differently. That is why there are so many phuck ups on the loose who can't spell, do math, or talk and write in complete, coherent sentences. But, my God, they sure know how to whine

A further matter the petition whined about was that the coach, who I do not know nor have seen in the act of coaching, beat the shit out of a garbage can with a sledge hammer after a game was lost. I admit I am much taken by the imagery. But all I could say, if I were a school board member, is that there goes a garbage can by the grace of God instead of your whining, cretinous daughter. The coach knows how to find harmless release from aggravation.

South Dakotans have a habit of calling any kind of petition for the redress of grievances whining. 911 caller: "Someone is breaking into my home." Operator: "Stop your phucking whining." It is important that when someone has a grievance that it should be documented with specifics and delivered in a factual, intelligent manner so that the problems, if there are any, might be corrected. There is a difference between a valid complaint and petty bitching and whining.

That petition to the Aberdeen School Board was pure, unadulterated juvenile whining. And it was stupid. You can't fix stupid. You can't satisfy stupid. But you can tell people when they are being stupid. That is an essential premise of education.

When the Aberdeen School Board gets done snickering and comes out of its executive session, it will be very interesting to learn what it tells the concerned parents.