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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Rep. Herseth Sandlin commits offenses against South Dakota

Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandlin has committed many offenses against the South Dakota sensibility. Her trip to Greenland and other places to get a first-hand view of what global warming is all about is just one of them. After all, in South Dakota, at least to the blog Taliban, anything you accept must be accepted on faith, not by scientific, empirical means. By going off to Greenland with Nancy Pelosi, another offender of the South Dakota sensibility, Rep. Herseth Sandlin exhibited an act of faithlessness to her South Dakota constituency.

Here are the offenses Rep. Herseth Sandlin has committed:

  1. She, as is Rep. Pelosi, is a woman. A woman in a leadership role who presumes to go around getting information and making up her own mind instead of accepting what she is told on faith and not letting South Dakota War College decide for her what the real issues are is a major violation of those rock solid South Dakota virtues. Women are designed for burkas, at least intellectual ones. South Dakota men and some women do like a peek now and then at a fetching cleavage, a firm thigh, or a squeezable maximus, but this should always be done in the show ring when it's heifer time. Women simply do not understand their role in South Dakota when they have the temerity to use their own minds.
  2. Rep. Herseth Sandlin has brains. Among the South Dakota regressives, a woman caught with brains is like a driver being caught in possession of a dime bag of pot. If brains are considered suspect in men, just think what they must portend in women. They just ain't something the salt of the earth needs or wants. . When a woman reveals brains in South Dakota, it is regarded as indecent exposure. Gasp. And they make communication with fence posts difficult, at best.
  3. She was a product of a public school system. Groton, for Chrissakes. How are we going to close down the public school system, save on our property taxes, and get education in the hands of entrepreneurs if people from public schools go around being successful? People might begin to think that education is something useful and really works. That is a violation of South Dakota values.
  4. Rep. Herseth then had the gall to go to college out-of-state at a prestigious school where she obtained not one, but two degrees. In a state that is trying to lead the nation in closing down education, her degrees from Georgetown are not just showing off but are absolutely outrageous.
  5. Then she has the chutzpah, something she picked up in the East, to return to South Dakota and run for Congress.
  6. Rep. Herseth Sandlin also gets along successfully with people from other states. That is inexcusable.
  7. She married an outlander without submitting her spousal choice as a ballot issue in a state election. Well, by the time the maligners at South Dakota War College get done defaming and libeling that poor bastard, she'll learn something about how we do things in South Dakota.
  8. She keeps allying herself with Blue Dog Democrats, which confuses people who need their politics in black and white, with no shades of grey thrown in. Responding to the mood of the electorate is simply pandering for votes, and if we have panders in South Dakota, we want them in Deadwood, not Washington, D.C. People are needlessly confused by distinctions that don't carry black-and-white labels.
  9. She changes her mind on issues as facts and circumstances evolve. Just like a woman.
  10. Instead of hiking up her burka and grabbing a shovel and a sandbag, she went back to Washington after inspecting the flood damage in Aberdeen so she could arrange for emergency and rebuilding help. She seems to think she is a Congressperson or something.

We will track Rep. Herseth Sandlin's transgressions so that we can prove she is not of this state and has abandoned us here and belongs out in the East with all the other smart alecks.

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Aberdeen, South Dakota, United States