Obama has his teleprompter; Romney has his golden plates

Hark!  Do you hear that? 

In Wisconsin, and other places,  people have heard a strange humming sound.  Geologists claim it is the layers of the earth resonating from friction, like when you wet a finger and rub it on the rim of a wine glass. But just as the government is accused of covering up that extra-terrestials have invaded the earth and taken up residence here,  it is not being forthcoming about what that humming sound really is.

It is explained in Genesis 2:25:

25.  And then the Lord God surveyed all that he had created and said, Oh Lordy, Lordy, Lordy,  I think I just screwed up.  I created this beautiful earth and then I placed humans upon it, some of whom are  destined to be Republicans in a great nation I have planned as exceptional.

26.  Surely they will fornicate and be stupid and despoileth all that I have so intelligently designed, and, being humans, they will defile and ruin everything.

27.  Deep in the bowels of the earth I herewith decree that human bullshit shall causeth a gastric disturbance and rumble and ring out in protests when humans pollute the air, the earth, and the sun that shineth with stupid lies and accusations against each other and against Him who created them.  


28.  This disturbance of protest shall ring in their ears and be inescapable and drive them fucking nuts until they relent in their perversity.

 That humming sound is the earth's bullshit detector erupting in protest because a political campaign is going on, and Mitt Romney and his minions are really stirring it up like a witch's cauldron, and it has reached the point where the earth is in danger of exploding into the great black hole of politics.  


Dana Milbank in the Washington Post quotes from the Book of Mirlande in detailing Willard Romney's transgressions that so unsettle the earth.  He writes of a speech Romney gave in Washington, D.C.:  

“Good morning,” he began, though it was already afternoon. The accuracy of his statements went downhill from there.

He blamed President Obama for the “weakest economic recovery since the Great Depression.”

He said he would save “about $100 billion a year” eliminating Obamacare.

He accused the president of “taking a series of steps that end Medicare as we know it.” And he claimed Obama had created an “unaccountable panel, with the power to prevent Medicare from providing certain treatments.”

Incorrect, wrong, false and fictitious. And that was just a sample from one Romney speech on one day.

Fortunately, fact-checkers in the press, such as The Washington Post’s Glenn Kessler and the Tampa Bay Times’ PolitiFact, have been diligently pointing out Romney’s whoppers. Unfortunately, this has had little, if any, effect on his prodigious output.

Other people involved in the Republican presidential primary have set the earth's bullshit detector arumbling, but more in a bemused chuckle than an outraged protest, with the likes of Sarah Palin,  Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, and the redoubtable Newton Gingrich.  Rick Santorum at times seemed to be reading the golden  plates over Romney's shoulder.

Romney promises to give America the Bain Capital treatment, and cure it of all its ills and most of its people. 

With Mitt Romney peddling his golden wares over the airwaves,  it is no wonder that Ozzie Guillen was inspired to a moment  of praise for Fidel Castro.   Hugo Chavez goes to Cuba to  treat his cancer.  Guillen was willing to give Cuba a try to settle down those Romney-caused rumblings in the bowels of the earth.  

I wonder if there is any room on a Russian space capsule to the International Space Station where one could go to wait out the campaign season until November.  The environment on the the earth is about to get intolerable.