Joe Biden prowls rallies, sniffing out women with funky hair

I was browsing the net reading the latest efforts at informing the populace.  I read this passage:

As I was taking deep breaths and preparing myself to make my case to the crowd, I felt two hands on my shoulders. I froze. “Why is the vice-president of the United States touching me?” 

I felt him get closer to me from behind. He leaned further in and inhaled my hair. I was mortified. I thought to myself, “I didn’t wash my hair today and the vice-president of the United States is smelling it. And also, what in the actual fuck? Why is the vice-president of the United States smelling my hair?” He proceeded to plant a big slow kiss on the back of my head. My brain couldn’t process what was happening. I was embarrassed. I was shocked. I was confused. There is a Spanish saying, “tragame tierra,” it means, “earth, swallow me whole.” I couldn’t move and I couldn’t say anything. I wanted nothing more than to get Biden away from me. My name was called and I was never happier to get on stage in front of an audience.

After I read this far, I looked for an identification of the source.  I thought I was reading The Onion or some other publication of humor and satire.   But it was from a magazine called The Cut, which says it "covers the issues that matter to women with stylish minds: fashion, politics, motherhood, health, ambition and culture."  This alleged account of Joe Biden coming up behind a woman and sniffing her odoriferous hair has made the national news with interviews in major newspapers and cable news shows.  It has prompted Joe Biden to issue a statement that “not once — never — did I believe I acted inappropriately.”  Furthermore, he said, “We have arrived at an important time when women feel they can and should relate their experiences, and men should pay attention.”

The woman who wrote that passage said Joe's alleged actions disqualified him from running for president and that she is not accusing him of sexual harassment but of invading her space.  What I'm paying attention to is the cheap, absurd, tabloid-level writing style of the account.

"I felt him get closer to me from behind."  Prepare for an attack.

"I felt two hands on my shoulders."  Thank god he only had two.

"He leaned further in..."  Joe, the contortionist."

"...and inhaled my hair."  Was it sprinkled with coke?  You mean that hair in Joe's nostrils ain't Joe's?

“I didn’t wash my hair today and the vice-president of the United States is smelling it."  That ought to throw him into a fit of passion.

"...what in the actual fuck?"  That's a nice, folksy touch.  Not sexual, but a mere invasion of space.

"He proceeded to plant a big slow kiss on the back of my head."   Told you so.  Nothing like snorting and slowly sucking up a head of reeking hair.  

" My brain couldn’t process what was happening." Of course not, silly.  He was sucking your brains out.

"I was embarrassed. I was shocked. I was confused."  Anything else you'd care to list?

"There is a Spanish saying, “tragame tierra,” it means, “earth, swallow me whole.”  Get a little diversity in there.  But it wasn't mother earth.  It was good ol' Joe Biden. 

The Onion has had fun with Joe Biden during his vice presidency, featuring a picture of him out in front of the White House washing his car.

That passage from The Cut seemed to be in the same vein as a parody of lurid and vulgar writing.  It is hard to read it as an authentic account of something that happened. 

Ultimately, the story is significant for the level to which public discourse, especially in politics, has deteriorated.  If this was a noteworthy incident, competent editors would not let it be told with such atrocious writing.  Political talk of our time consists largely of exchanges of racial and sexual stereotypes--thieving Latinos sneaking across the border, predatory old white males forcing themselves on women, black families hoarding food stamps, etc.  This mode of thought and expression has given us Donald Trump.  It has to do with literacy.  Just as the the words of the Declaration of Independence shaped our direction of development for centuries, the current level of discourse shapes our future.

We deserve what we get.