Heidepriem: Born in Kenya and cross-dresses as a wise, Latina woman

Pukwana--It was narrowly reported in Mitchell today that South Dakota gubernatorial candidate Scott Heidepriem was born in Kenya and parades around South Dakota as a wise Latina woman who will say anything to legislate from the bench.

The reports were independently confirmed by the Northern State University Center for Illiteracy, Fabrication, and Prozac and by the Sibson Project for Excellence in the MSM. When contacted to comment on the report, Mr. Sibson said, "I can smell Russia from my house."

Prof. Blent Cantshard of the NSU Center said he could not talk further because he had this fusion thing to work on. (Hat tip to the South Dakota Wart Collage for the link technique.)

In addition to the dubious birth charges and having designs on making legislation (he's a state senator, also), he was charged with owning a BMW. He said he doesn't. He did once, but now owns a VW. The Sibson Project was working on this fascination for German-made cars and the Nazi tendencies it reveals. The NSU Center issued a statement that only the rightwing-ding chorus can sing about Nazis.

Heidepriem was also charged with selling his house. Then was called out for being a liar when he said he wasn't but was thinking about it. That is a violation of the wingding admonition never to think.

And then Heidepriem was charged with resigning from his country club. He said he reduced the level of membership. Again, the wingding conclave quickly termed this a lie, and found Heidepriem guilty of living his own life.

Heidepriem's attempts to legislate from the bench were supported by the charge that he is a successful trial lawyer. Sneaky devil.

Worst of all, Heidepriem is guilty of minding his own damned business.

The wingding conclave of the Sibson Project, the NSU Center, and South Dakota Wart Collage (all the ugly all the time) will hold a rally outside the offices of the Democratic legislators where they will hold hands and sign their anthem, "Jesus Wants Me for a Teabag."