News, notes, and observations from the James River Valley in northern South Dakota with special attention to reviewing the performance of the media--old and new. E-Mail to

Saturday, October 13, 2007

WWCD? (What Would Coulter Do?)

Impeach Al Gore, of course.

And following the words and examples of the Goddess of Good Will and Sweetness and Light, that is exactly what the faithful are doing. If you can’t impeach the sumbitch from office, you can impeach his character, his integrity, and his reputation. And so, under the ring-a-ding sharia, the Goddess has issued a fatwa calling for the assassination of the character of Al Gore. At least, the faithful take it that way.

We thought the Supreme Court had banished Gore once and for all after the election of 2000. But he is a graceless man. He did not go gently into the good night of obscurity. He has prowled the world, subverting honor-bestowing institutions and spreading left-wing heresies under the guise of science. This year he went absolutely berserk. He ruined The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences by winning an Oscar for his sensationalist left-wing lies on global warming. Then he turned the Nobel Foundation into a hotbed of depravity by winning its Peace Prize. If there was ever a candidate for stoning, it is Al Gore.

The salt of the earth faithful in South Dakota have stepped up to the plait--well, tresses--and cast their blogs at Gore. The Academy and the Nobel Foundation, the faithful think, are running Gore for president. What's more? Michael Moore as vice president.

Giving Gore the Nobel Peace Prize is so totally unfair. Especially when others deserve it more. Like George W. Bush. For the peace and democracy he has brought to Iraq. For the honor he has bestowed upon 3,821 deserving American soldiers. For the valor with which he met and is still meeting the aftermath of Katrina. For giving all America comfort and security with electronice eavesdropping. For insuring that all children who need medical attention can get it.

And let us not forget that paragon of forthrightness and justice Alberto Gonzales. He deserves both an Academy Award and a Peace Prize. And if anyone deserves an Academy Award, it is Larry Craig for his tap dancing. After all, he turned a lowly restroom stall into a national shrine.

There are so many people more deserving than Al Gore. He'd have us think that the earth is warming up and there is something we can do about it. That is an affront to the sovereignty of the Goddess of Light and Truth and Kindness and the horde of virgins waiting to reward the faithful.

The Nobel Foundation has its sights set on the White House. Sweden plans to invade the U.S. to convert it to socialized medicine, lutfisk addiction, and blonde, blue-eyed hussies of liberal ways. Al Gore is a stalking horse for the Svenkies who want to sneak in here with their weapons of mass deconstruction and enslave the people to Volvos and Absolut.

We can take some assurance that we are being protected from such an invasion. The Goddess has issued her fatwa. And the bloggers have obeyed. Especially in South Dakota.

May the military force be with you.

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Aberdeen, South Dakota, United States