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Saturday, September 18, 2010

The demons of South Dakota: exorcism Oct. 16 in Rapid City

 For the vigilant Protectors of the Second Amendment, the season against road signs is never closed.  They patrol the highways and by-ways to keep the innocent safe from predatory roadsigns, which are one of the ways government sneaks into our daily lives to take away our freedoms. 

The Big Bad Obama Demon

    Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom.  That's why so many Protectors of the Second Amendment are sleep deprived.  They quake and sweat in their beds throughout the long nights hugging their firearms as they wait in fear for the Obama Ogre Brigade to sneak in the night to dispossess them of their toys.  The ogres want to take away their guns.  And by proxy, their manhood.  Or is it childhood?  As the Rifles and Other Lethal Devices for America Association says, ain't nothing more cranky and disturbed than a grown man who has been deprived of his toys. And gets up in the morning with wet, reeking skivvies. You can't well-regulate a militia that ain't got no toys.  Or lives in constant fear that creatures in the night will sneak in to take them.
The Gunnie Guards on watch for Obama ogres. 
The Spouses United for Sleep Deprived Older Children came up with a solution.  They made  teddy bears, known as Gunnie  Guards, which they said would keep any gun confiscators from coming in the night to steal the toys  if the frightened children hugged them and sobbed  into their furry little fuzz, and then the threatened ones could sleep peacefully at nights.  So could the whole damned family.

It worked for a time, until the Rifles and Other Lethal Devices for America Association heard from Rush Limbaugh about that bitch that Obama is allied with, Nancy Pelosi.  There are also Pelosi Ogres out there who will come in the night and take both the Gunnie Guards and the guns.


Pelosi martials her ogres.
Herseth Sandlin caught in the act.
A major Pelosi Ogre is Stephanie Herseth Sandlin,  who heads up the Obama-Pelosi cartel in the Dakotas, although members of Rifles and Other Lethal Devices for America Association members insist that she actually lives in Texas. She sneaks up to South Dakota, where she is known to maintain a friendly relationship with road signs, especially the ones with speed limits.  The Association has charged her with giving aid and comfort to and emboldening road signs.  She leads a band of demons that sneak into houses and terrorizes mostly male occupants by brazenly taking their toys. 

The Protectors of the Second Amendment and the Rifles and Other Lethal Devices for America Association are organizing an inspirational rally and exorcism for their members on Oct. 16 at the Rushmore Civic Plaza in Rapid City. 

"Suck on the one in my left hand."
The exorcism will feature spiritual leader and inspirational speaker Ted Nugent, who recently composed a new national anthem, which includes the lyrics:  

‘Hey Obama, you might wanna suck on one of these you punk.' ... Obama, he's a piece of shit, I told him to suck on my machine gun. , ‘Hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch.' ... She might want to suck on my machine gun.'

A plotter with ogres

 The exorcism is held to drive all the demons out of South Dakota.  They can be found plotting ways to shelter the poor, feed the hungry,  heal the sick, and help the unemployed.   They are known allies with road signs and Big Bad Govmint.  They want your toys, boys. Hold them tight at night.



larry kurtz said...

Yer on a roll, Doc. Now lop a few heads.

Douglas said...

Why shot-up road signs should come out of a gun and ammunition taxes or license fee tax instead of from highway funding.

Might be nice if it also covered cattle shot by hunters unable to distinguish between antlers and angus... or red-white faced for that matter.

David Newquist said...


Way back when there was an International Livestock Show in Chicago, and I used to cover it, comedian Red Blanchard quipped that the International Livestock Show was started so that farmers had a place to bring their cattle during hunting season.

David Newquist said...
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Aberdeen, South Dakota, United States